Archive for the ‘Varmits’ Category



February 3, 2009

I know how potholes form. I’m a geologist. The freeze/thaw cycle of day and night forces cracks to open up in the pavement and allow water through the cracks. Eventually, a hole will open up as vehicles drive across the area. The key is eventually… it takes time sometimes weeks, sometimes months.

On my drive home last night, I notice a new pothole in the road. From 4 pm one day to 4 pm the next day, a basketball size hole has appeared in the middle of exactly where the tires in your car normally go. There can only be one explanation for this — varmits.

Varmits include all classes of animals that use 4 legs as locomotion, not including animals that one can identify like dogs or cats. I suspect an animal that may look something like a groundhog. This varmit probably has been observing this particular stretch of pavement for awhile. Under the cover of darkness, this varmit excavated a hole exactly where most cars drive their wheels over. I imagine this varmit peeking his/her head out of his/her hole and watching every vehicle hit this hole at 50 miles an hour. Because it is brand new, no driver is expecting it. The varmit watches as drivers swirve dangerously to try to miss it, and then watches those that just suck it up and throw their vehicles out of alignment by hitting the hole.

Last night, after throwing my wheels out of alignment, I looked in my rear view mirror and I swear I saw a varmit head bobbing in laughter on the side of the road.