Sound the Alarm

January 1, 2011

My husband let me go back to sleep this morning. I was up last night making sure we stayed clear of a tornado. The sirens went off so I woke to track the tornado on TV to make sure we were clear. I woke up exhausted this morning and he let me go back to sleep.

My first dream that I remember in 2011

All of us had gone to a place to go shopping, it was designed more like a shopping center in Japan, sleek, sliver, stuffed with gadgets. We pulling into the shop, full service, you parked the cars in the shop. And we got out but there were no carts nearby. We went through the process of getting everyone out and walking to find a cart. We were gone maybe 3 minutes and I counted….4 kids, 1,2,3,4, someone is missing!! Count again. Panic. Only 4 are here. I ran back to the car, there was a car seat with blankets but no baby. My baby girl was gone!!!! I ran to the front desk and make the clerk but the alarm that sealed all the doors so no one could get out. My baby GIRL was missing. Then, I woke up. I woke up with the panic and fright of a Mom who has lost their kid in a store or a playground–the constricting of the throat, the confused brain, the panic. Usually, we find the kid and we can hug them and return to normal. I woke up knowing that I would never find that baby. The one missing in my dream was a girl, with a girl carseat and a girl blanket. It was Norah, she was gone, she is the 5th child.  She is gone and physically she is never returning to me. I wanted those alarms sounded, I wanted everyone is the store to hunt for her, I wanted my baby. I still want her. I am glad the dream did not continue because I do not want to face the emotions, pain, and grief when the store was searched and Norah was not there.

This dream shows me that even though I am 3 years out, I still have a lot of pain and grief in me, a lot of disbelief. This dream came to me on the first day of the New Year of 2011.


One comment

  1. ((hugs)) I get it, I really do.

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