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Detritus

August 6, 2010

I’ve taken on the task of cleaning my kitchen counters before school starts again. This is where mail piles up, fliers, the kids artwork, and all sorts of detritus. I decided that I was going to go get some large tupperware boxes to stick all of the kids stuff in that I want to keep for the future–everything from their first ultrasounds to the card they made me for mother’s day. I went to a large box store and found the size I wanted but there were only 4 left. Not 5. Only 4. I was immediately struck with indecision. Do I purchase only 4 and know that I am not treated Norah the same or do I not get what I want and hope that someday I’ll remember to go to the store again?  Immediacy won out. If I didn’t do it then, it would never get done. I consoled myself knowing that Norah doesn’t have as much stuff so I don’t need one like theirs. 

A couple of days later, I was putting their names on the boxes. I have 4 boxes with my children’s names on them stacked up, but not one for Norah. Uuugh. I hate it, I hate that she will never need a box like theirs. I put everything I could find from various drawers and hide-e-holes that the kids should keep for the future in those boxes and then collected Norah’s stuff in what I refer to as the “dead drawer”. This is a small space in the vanity in my bathroom where I put stuff relating to dead people in there. I put old cards, pictures, letters, and other dead memorabilia. My Mom’s stuff is in there, my Grandmother’s stuff is in there, and now Norah’s stuff is finally in there.  I will probably get her a smaller box just so that when the boxes are stacked, I can see her name on there, with the other children.

Last night, as I was putting the older two to sleep, we were talking about seeing each other in the morning. You know…
“I’ll see you in the morning, love you.” then I said,

“Little sister will see you in the morning also and little brother.”

My 5 year old boy said “But not Norah, Norah always sees us.” I said “Yes, she always watches over you”. Oh, how I wish we could see her in the morning too.

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3 comments

  1. Jack’s “memory” box sits in our living room. A small cedar box – that doubles as an end table… We thought about putting a glass topper on it to prtect it from the many spills and dents and dings that come from his little brother… but then I thought – that’s part of life too – kids leave their mark. Mornings are hard for me. Just one more peak… one more little kiss… one more minute with him…
    -Karry


  2. ((hugs))
    I am also de-cluttering and Ferdinand has only that much “stuff”. I hate all that you hate too.
    Have a great start to the school year! xo


  3. I have matching memory boxes for my eldest three but the two biggest have two apiece to contain all their pre-school stuff too, Emma will only ever need one – and I hate it too. I wish, wish, we could see our daughters every morning.



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