July 28, 2010

My world would shatter if I was getting a divorce. My brother and his wife of 15 years are getting a divorce and this has made me think more about relationships, friendships, and partnerships. She “fell out of love” with him. It happens. But here is the kicker….3 years ago. Imagine being in a relationship where you love someone intensely but they don’t love you. And, they do not tell you that they don’t love you. I would be extremely angry. I think that is what my brother is feeling also. Anger. 3 years of your life  you devoted to a marriage and love and to a person. I made my husband promise that if he ever “feel out of love” with me that he has to tell me, immediately, as soon as he knows. I got eye rolls for that one but I think I am horrified by the loss of time and energy. He promised. He says it is not going to happen but you never know for certain about anything. I love almost everything about my husband. He is kind, generous, a great father, a great friend, a role model, and really funny. He does have a tendency to procrastinate and be late for everything. I can live with that and have done so for 20 years. The care of our children takes up most of our time and we only have a few moments at night to reconnect. I know that child raising will not last forever.  We both don’t have time to cultivate other friendships. I have one girl best friend and a few acquaintances. He mainly has guy friends that are fine not speaking to each other for months at a time. We are each others best friend.

There really is not a point to this post other than just thinking about what other people mean to me.  I decided long ago that I was better with just a few well cultivated friends and a treasure trove of friends. This works best for my personality and I don’t have to remember so much. I miss the days when my memory was awesome. Probably around my early 20’s. But then my brain started to get crowded with facts and equations….knowledge. Extraneous material left the house and I do not retain much that does not have to do with the current research or project that I am working on. I’ve been called an air head for most of my life because I forget things easily. I know this is a function of focusing on the work that means so much to me. However, my husband is my memory. I tell him stories of incidents on trips  and tell him about important times in my life in hopes that he will remember them for me. I like this about our marriage. In fact, there is not anything that I do not like about marriage to him. Except as previously mentioned, he is late for everything.

One comment

  1. This post paints a lovely description of your marriage. I’d be shattered too by divorce. it was something that loomed very large after Emma died – all the books seemed to talk about the strain. We have had some hard moments but right now we’re stronger than ever and I long for that to remain the case. I don’t take it for granted.

    I am so sorry that your brother is going through it.

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