h1

Summer Blues

June 28, 2010

Yesterday was my parents anniversary. My Mom has been dead for 2 years; my Dad has been dead for 19 years. Yet, I still remember their anniversary and honor their love. They both had explosive tempers so I remember the fights. Then they started going to church and thankfully, those fights receeded–a case where churchgoing was useful. Memories of my Mom are fresh and almost sacred ground for me. My kids found her Bible the other day and proceeded to take things (papers, bookmarks, thoughts) out of it which horrified me because those were the last things she put in there. Her Bible was where she placed her thoughts. I miss her presence. I miss talking to her. She could really talk a lot about nothing but this didn’t bother me in her. I would just let her talk. Other people bother me when they talk about nothing but she did not. Her mother recently died a couple of months ago. My Grandmother was my penpal throughout my life. I didn’t talk to her on the phone but had “conversations” through letters.

*****

I did attend the conference I spoke of several weeks ago. TJ was awesome and stayed in a sleepywrap the whole time. Many people commented on how “good” he was. I would tell them that it is normal for a baby to be calm and relaxed when mom is wearing them. I think I was talking to deaf ears. For six days, I had no relief help so I was happy to get home to my husband where I could pass off TJ and sleep for a couple of hours. I’m glad that is done for another couple of years.

*****

For the past two weeks, I’ve been trying to figure out how to work with TJ. He is in the sleepywrap right now and if all I had to do was work on the computer, all would be great. However, I need to spread out large pieces of paper and think and draw….difficult to do with a baby attached. Plus, I’m still tired. I would like to nap every afternoon from the hours of 2-4 to make up for my lack of night time sleep. Yes, I know TJ is only 2 months old but if I don’t work now, my fall is going to be a horrible crash of teaching/research/freaking out because I don’t have anything done.  We haven’t done anything as a family. Back in March, I reserved a cabin down on the seashore of Alabama. Ummm….not such a great place for a vacation now. I guess we will go somewhere else but the point of making reservations so early was so that it was done and I wouldn’t have to think about it with a 2 month old. Now, I’m back where I started.

So, this post is not going much of anywhere. There is no real point, just ramblings. I’m still here, just conflicted.

Advertisements

One comment

  1. ((HUGS)) It sounds like tough going now and I hope things ease up soon.
    I am sorry to hear about your grandmother. It sounds like a beautiful relationship. I am moved that you remember your parents’ anniversary.

    Thinking of you and hoping you get rest, sleep and work done! (how do those 3 things end up in the same sentence, I don’t know!)



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: