Archive for June, 2010

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Summer Blues

June 28, 2010

Yesterday was my parents anniversary. My Mom has been dead for 2 years; my Dad has been dead for 19 years. Yet, I still remember their anniversary and honor their love. They both had explosive tempers so I remember the fights. Then they started going to church and thankfully, those fights receeded–a case where churchgoing was useful. Memories of my Mom are fresh and almost sacred ground for me. My kids found her Bible the other day and proceeded to take things (papers, bookmarks, thoughts) out of it which horrified me because those were the last things she put in there. Her Bible was where she placed her thoughts. I miss her presence. I miss talking to her. She could really talk a lot about nothing but this didn’t bother me in her. I would just let her talk. Other people bother me when they talk about nothing but she did not. Her mother recently died a couple of months ago. My Grandmother was my penpal throughout my life. I didn’t talk to her on the phone but had “conversations” through letters.

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I did attend the conference I spoke of several weeks ago. TJ was awesome and stayed in a sleepywrap the whole time. Many people commented on how “good” he was. I would tell them that it is normal for a baby to be calm and relaxed when mom is wearing them. I think I was talking to deaf ears. For six days, I had no relief help so I was happy to get home to my husband where I could pass off TJ and sleep for a couple of hours. I’m glad that is done for another couple of years.

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For the past two weeks, I’ve been trying to figure out how to work with TJ. He is in the sleepywrap right now and if all I had to do was work on the computer, all would be great. However, I need to spread out large pieces of paper and think and draw….difficult to do with a baby attached. Plus, I’m still tired. I would like to nap every afternoon from the hours of 2-4 to make up for my lack of night time sleep. Yes, I know TJ is only 2 months old but if I don’t work now, my fall is going to be a horrible crash of teaching/research/freaking out because I don’t have anything done.  We haven’t done anything as a family. Back in March, I reserved a cabin down on the seashore of Alabama. Ummm….not such a great place for a vacation now. I guess we will go somewhere else but the point of making reservations so early was so that it was done and I wouldn’t have to think about it with a 2 month old. Now, I’m back where I started.

So, this post is not going much of anywhere. There is no real point, just ramblings. I’m still here, just conflicted.

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Crazy Bird

June 1, 2010

At night when I’m up with TJ — feeding, rocking, and holding, I hear a bird. There is a songbird in my backyard that has its days and nights confused. It sings at all hours of the night. Frankly, it messes up my internal clock because I think it is morning when it is only midnight or two a.m.

I can’t figure out why it is singing at night. It really sounds jolly when I’m so grumpy. The bird has its days and nights mixed up; I thought only babies did that. I think maybe it might just be blind or maybe the bird is happy no other birds are around to screw up his/her singing. I can be lying there or sitting there with TJ and the bird just goes off. Its disconcerting but makes a little happy to know that something else is staying up at night too.

Then my mind has wandered down the path of whether there are any old wife’s tales about birds singing at night. I don’t remember any so I don’t think it is a bad/good omen. I just think the bird is crazy. At least I have a nighttime companion.