Archive for May, 2010

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Another conference

May 27, 2010

Months ago I agreed to go to a conference at the beginning of June and give a presentation. I’m a professor, presenting data and ongoing work is part of the job. I knew that I would have a new child at the end of April and that at most, that child would be 6 weeks old during the conference.  I would not have agreed to go except that this conference is related to my regional specialty — the Himalaya and Tibet. It is a yearly conference but not often held in the United States, so I feel obligated to go. I summitted an abstract months ago and unearthed it yesterday to figure out what I said that I was going to talk about.  After reading it, I’m not enthusiastic about putting together a presentation.  I think my new little one, sleeping here in the office, has taken possession of my brain. Everytime I think I can work on it a little bit, I just can’t think. My brain is cloudy and my body is tired. I’ve been drinking a bunch of caffeine to compensate for my brain but that isn’t working either. It just makes my little one grumpy. I said I wasn’t going to drink any caffeine today and I’ve already given in. I have time to do the work; I’m sitting at my desk but I can not get motivated.

It is always hard to get back to work after having a baby but I’m having a particularly rough time this time. Maybe because it is summer….but honestly I have so much work that needs to get done this summer that it may just be work paralysis — you know, you have so much work that it is too intimidating to begin and it is just easier to ignore it. I’ve been doing that with home projects for years (and it is starting to catch up to me). Usually I combat the paralysis by just doing something and scratching it off my list. But…I don’t feel like it. But…I have to do something for this conference so my peers do not laugh at me. Yes, I do plan on taking the littlest one with me and into the talks and meetings. I hope it will work out. He is kind of quiet until he gets hungry. He starts to grunt in his sleep when he is hungry and trying to wake up. Then, he is noisy. I’ve traveled internationally with little ones and take them into meetings here at my office but I’ve never tried to take one to a conference before. And I’m procrastinating with this blog. I was sitting here staring at a blank screen on my computer and then thought, Oh, I could update my blog. I’m supposed to be doing some serious critical thinking and I can’t really get to step one.

What are you doing? Are you procrastinating?

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Superwoman

May 20, 2010

Lately I’ve been thinking about what my husband must think about me. To set the stage I will tell you a little of my history: I’m a rock climber, hiker, adventurer, international traveler. I don’t wear make-up ( who has the time) rarely shave my legs (again, who has the time, my hair is blonde anyway), and only wear a dress to funerals. I am a professor and well educated. I can argue the subtle points of just about anything but rarely find the time or have the inclination to do so. I am a Mom, 5 times, that has endured the loss of one of my babies. I’ve been with my husband for 20 years, 15 of which we have been married. I know he thinks of me as very capable and well, a superwoman. But even superheroes need support, a sidekick. Batman has Robin. I have my husband. Having a newborn means minimal sleep, maybe 4 hours a night. I prefer to get a few hours in the morning when he can watch the new one. Most of the time, he never offers and he goes about his day as though we did not just have a son. Granted he has a business to run [yet, I still have a job to do] and he does most of the shuttling of kids, he has spring football practice to attend and a multitude of other sticks in the fire.  However I still want him to be sensitive and aware of me.

After every baby is born, there is an adjustment period where the family tries to figure out how to accommodate the new life or in the case of a dead baby, the absence of life. It takes time and usually involves frustration and tears on everyone’s part. Eventually, equilibrium is reached–just getting there sometimes sucks.

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He’s Here

May 7, 2010

I kept waiting to write this post because I wanted to put up his birth story but I haven’t found the time to write it down.

TJ was born at 4:45 pm on Monday April 26th. 8 lbs and 20 inches long. The labor was not hard until the end…same as the previous one. He arrived safely and I came through unharmed. I’m so happy that he is earthside and with me. The family is getting used to him. Maya is always touching him and trying to prevent the other kids from touching him. TJ is her baby.

I want to announce that I know we are done with having kids. When it was all said and done and I was sitting in the hospital room and all was quiet, I did NOT miss him inside of me. With my other kids, I missed their presence of being with me. I have not once wished that he was still in there or even imagined that he was still there. Thus, I know we are done. My husband is getting a vasectomy in a week.

Thanks to those of you who sent strength to me. I felt the presence of women toward the end. (((HUGS))) d.