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Attitude Adjustment

April 21, 2010

Because this is my blog, I can say anything I want on here. I feel depressed. I’m usually an optimist/realist. But I’ve been hit with several events at work that have totally left me defeated. I have zero energy. And guess what! I’m supposed to give birth to a baby soon. I need an attitude adjustment. I went to the doctor yesterday and let her check for progress and I’m only 1 cm. ONE FREAKING CM!! I’ve been walking, taking EPO, dancing in the bedroom, and just about anything I can think of and I have 1 cm to show for it. The doctor wanted to induce today and I refused because I don’t think my body is ready. So, for babyloss moms, you know the situation I’m in. If this one dies now, I’m screwed, it is my fault for not inducing. So, I’m really really grumpy and tired. What a horrible decision. I scheduled for Monday when hopefully something active is going on down there and I’m at least at 2-3 cm. That is what I went in with my now 16 month old and her induction went fine. Yes, it is intense and it hurts to be induced with pitocin and not recommended for anyone with a low pain tolerance but I know I can do it. I just need the energy to do it. I need to flip my mind around and turn into being positive.  I’m frustrated with myself. Normally I have no issues with being positive and rarely ever feel too depressed. Of course, I have off days, OK, I had an off year when Norah died but right now I’m in no condition to have baby. Yeah, I’m doing a little b*tchin’ but I can’t put this anywhere else and DH I’m sure is tired of hearing it. So, out into webworld this goes.

Any suggestions?

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6 comments

  1. I have no suggestions. Sorry 😦 I’m also in a depressing funk. No energy at all and I have 14 weeks to go! Ugh. I hope things start moving for you. I’m not sure how dilated I was with any of the boys, but I had pitocin with the first three because my body just doesn’t progress AT ALL. (heck, I’d been in labor for 26 hours with William and nothing was happening until the pitocin.) Think positively (I know it’s tough) and he/she will be here before you know it safe and sound. Many prayers and love.


  2. I don’t know what to say. I just hope everything will be fine for you and your baby. I know what you’ve been through so hang in there.


  3. Augh – I wish I knew what to say. Time can be such a bitch. Hang in there. I pray the days go quickly. Holding you in my heart!


  4. Oh I hate that guilt and the burden you have to go through!
    No useful suggestions, only lots of love, positive thoughts, and birthing vibes to you! Come on, baby, come to Earth!!!


  5. D. I’m late responding to this. If I’m right with timings you are having(or have had) the baby right around now. I’ve been thinking of you lots and I am hoping that once it all kicked off you were able to find the energy you needed. With love and anticipation.


  6. That day is finally here and I too hope you found your birthing mojo! Also waiting with anticipation and lots of love for you all!



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