Attitude Adjustment

Because this is my blog, I can say anything I want on here. I feel depressed. I’m usually an optimist/realist. But I’ve been hit with several events at work that have totally left me defeated. I have zero energy. And guess what! I’m supposed to give birth to a baby soon. I need an attitude adjustment. I went to the doctor yesterday and let her check for progress and I’m only 1 cm. ONE FREAKING CM!! I’ve been walking, taking EPO, dancing in the bedroom, and just about anything I can think of and I have 1 cm to show for it. The doctor wanted to induce today and I refused because I don’t think my body is ready. So, for babyloss moms, you know the situation I’m in. If this one dies now, I’m screwed, it is my fault for not inducing. So, I’m really really grumpy and tired. What a horrible decision. I scheduled for Monday when hopefully something active is going on down there and I’m at least at 2-3 cm. That is what I went in with my now 16 month old and her induction went fine. Yes, it is intense and it hurts to be induced with pitocin and not recommended for anyone with a low pain tolerance but I know I can do it. I just need the energy to do it. I need to flip my mind around and turn into being positive.  I’m frustrated with myself. Normally I have no issues with being positive and rarely ever feel too depressed. Of course, I have off days, OK, I had an off year when Norah died but right now I’m in no condition to have baby. Yeah, I’m doing a little b*tchin’ but I can’t put this anywhere else and DH I’m sure is tired of hearing it. So, out into webworld this goes.

Any suggestions?