Silence 2

February 8, 2010

I feel as though I have absolutely nothing profound or interesting to say. My weeks are spent at work and taking care of the kids. My weekends are spent with the kids and getting ready for the week. I don’t have much time to read anything interesting…although I’m re-reading a book at night about map makers through time. It’s ~400 pages long and may take me 6 months to get through. If I watch the news, I get depressed. I skip the political commentary in magazines. I don’t read baby stuff because that is way too scary. If I watch T.V. it is usually at 3 in the morning because I can’t sleep. I was thinking last night about the “good ole days” when I only knew what happened in the world because my Mom turned on the nightly news at 6 pm. When I travel abroad, I disconnect from the world and have absolutely no idea what is going on. I like that. I like just paying attention to what I am doing at the moment.  Now, I feel like I’m constantly bombarded by news even though I try to avoid it.

Then there is another part of me that constantly want to check people’s blogs and other babyloss sites. Why do I feel the need to stay so connected even though most of the mom’s don’t even know I’m checking up on them. I’ll say to DH “I just need to check on so and so for a minute”.  When will I give that up? Will I? I can go for months at a time and then feel a particular need to see how someone is doing. It’s not as though you all really know me or I know you.

I’m blathering and avoiding doing figures for a manuscript.


One comment

  1. Just checking on you. I stalk babyloss moms. Let’s me know I’m not alone. That it’s okay for my heart to still ache.

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