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Anger

December 12, 2009

In the past couple of years my husband has been pushing to find a church that we can belong to and our children can have the experience of religion. I’m not against religion, in fact I think it can be a great crutch to lean on in difficult times. I went to a Missionary Baptist Church went I was a teenager. It wasn’t until later that I learned the other meaning of missionary, which always makes me chuckle now. While in college I experimented with other religions and when I travel, I go to the different places that the world’s inhabitants worship. I respect religion. I classify myself as spiritual but not really religion. My husband visited churches in the area on his own. We live in the deep south so finding a church that fits our criteria is difficult. He has narrowed the search to 3 churches. I visited one with him last Sunday. This is where this blog becomes applicable.

I thought I did not have remaining anger over Norah’s death. I thought I had accepted it as one of those horrible things that happen to people in life. Sitting in this church watching people worship a deity that refer to as God, the anger came to the surface. They have their children and I don’t. I am missing part of my family. It all boils down to that. I am still very angry. I didn’t know that I am but I had buried it. I had hid it away so that I couldn’t be hurt by it. I am aware of the anger, I recognize it as anger but I am letting it pass. Hopefully, it will pass. Whether I can sit in a church without physically becoming ill remains to be seen.

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2 comments

  1. Found your blog through MDC. So sorry for your loss. I know you probably hear or heard that alot.
    I don’t think there is anything wrong with still being angry, that is how you feel. I also don’t think there is anything wrong with being spiritual but not having a set religion. I have my own views on religion, and I think a lot of people hide behind it.

    I have things I’m still angry about all of these years later and there isn’t anything anyone can say or do to make me feel better. I do believe that you will find your way through the hurt and pain our family has suffered one day. *Hugs* to you mama.


  2. I suspect that anger will always be prsent, even if in a small measure. It takes so much to make peace with the loss of one’s baby.
    ((hugs)) thinking of you. xo



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