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Life Blog

December 1, 2009

If you are reading along, you know that this blog isn’t just a loss blog but a blog about life after loss. I archive many thoughts on her but the posts always seem to revolve and come back to Norah. She is a big part of my life still. Her life and death has shaped me and made me into what I am today (for better or for worse).

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Given the above statement, if you do not want to read about live (at least for now) children, then click off of this blog. OK, fair warning.

Remember, I was lamenting that I can not feel this baby. Sometimes I think maybe I do but then again, it could be gas. I heard the heartbeat today at a doctor’s appt. It did take a while to locate the heartbeat during which my mind was blank. I had already prepared myself for a loss. I do it every appointment; I rehearse how I am going to react when my OB tells me that she can not find the heartbeat. It is morbid, it is self-preservation. But, this time she did find it. And for the next appt, I will also have rehearsed how I will react. I’ve even asked myself at what point would I also get a casket for this baby and bury her next to Norah. Ah, life after a loss really sucks sometimes.

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One comment

  1. I totally relate to what you’re saying. I’ve felt the same way with this pregnancy – and yeah, I think it’s some kind of weird self-preservation mechanism. Breathe and hold on tight for the ride! Fingers crossed for you and your little one.



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