Life Blog

December 1, 2009

If you are reading along, you know that this blog isn’t just a loss blog but a blog about life after loss. I archive many thoughts on her but the posts always seem to revolve and come back to Norah. She is a big part of my life still. Her life and death has shaped me and made me into what I am today (for better or for worse).


Given the above statement, if you do not want to read about live (at least for now) children, then click off of this blog. OK, fair warning.

Remember, I was lamenting that I can not feel this baby. Sometimes I think maybe I do but then again, it could be gas. I heard the heartbeat today at a doctor’s appt. It did take a while to locate the heartbeat during which my mind was blank. I had already prepared myself for a loss. I do it every appointment; I rehearse how I am going to react when my OB tells me that she can not find the heartbeat. It is morbid, it is self-preservation. But, this time she did find it. And for the next appt, I will also have rehearsed how I will react. I’ve even asked myself at what point would I also get a casket for this baby and bury her next to Norah. Ah, life after a loss really sucks sometimes.

One comment

  1. I totally relate to what you’re saying. I’ve felt the same way with this pregnancy – and yeah, I think it’s some kind of weird self-preservation mechanism. Breathe and hold on tight for the ride! Fingers crossed for you and your little one.

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