My Rainbow’s Baby’s Birthday

November 29, 2009

I held my breath for 9 months. Periodically. And symbolically not literally or else I wouldn’t be here. After much anxiety and many sleepless nights, I had my pregancy induced on November 28, 2008. One year and 10 days after Norah died. Mostly I read trashy books during the first part which consisted of the nurses pumping me full of chemicals and turning up the doseage every 15 minutes. By 11:00 am, after 6 hours of “labor”, I was barely fazed and enjoying my book. The contractions were no stronger than Braxton-Hicks and the nurses could not turn the dosage up any higher. I told them to break my water so we could get somewhere with the labor. I was not leaving the hospital without my baby and breaking my water would insure that they would not send me home with a failed induction. My doctor came in about 11:30 am and did it. Apparently, the baby had not descended very far and so the doc had to reach up to China to get it done. After my water broke, I called my husband and told him he could come. He came with a sub sandwich…I made him eat it in the bathroom. I read my book until 1:30 pm after which I actually had to concentrate to make it through the contractions. At 2:30 pm, I told my husband that I didn’t want to do it any longer. He looked at me and said “not long now”. I let them check me for the first time and I was 5 cm. I told my husband I could do it for 30 more minutes but that was it. At 2:50, she checked again, I was complete, at 10 and I could not wait to push. My baby was born at 2:59 p.m. after about 3 pushes. Did I say how much I love to push because it makes the pain go away?  She cried and we cried. She was alive and I did not let her go. I didn’t let her go for a long time. I told them that they could weigh her when we got to our room. For about 24 hours afterwards, a nurse would periodically come in my room and ask to bathe her. My husband reminded me of this yesterday. I kept refusing because I thought it was fun to torture the nurses. Eventually I did let them give her a bath because I wanted to shower. My husband was at a college football game. Those first few days are so far away from me now. I held her alot, I fed her alot, and I remember the darkness of my room. I wanted it dark, like a womb, to just be with my baby.

So now she is one year old. She made it to the one year mark. I am so grateful to have her. She is sweet and kind and is such a blessing to me. She shoveled cake into her mouth yesterday with abandon, smearing icing across her face. She is definitely the light of my life and will always remain special to me.

I am 17 weeks pregnant again. This pregnancy is not as anxiety ridden but now when I should start to feel movement, I am starting to get anxious. Why can’t I feel the baby?  Looking forward to my next appointment and hoping I hear a heartbeat. I’m also praying for the same kind of ending that I had with my 1st rainbow baby (see above).


  1. Wishing you the best of luck and lots of strength and peace on this new pregnancy journey. I still grapple with that – the anxiety. I think it’s normal. Breathe and know that others’ fingers are crossed for you.

  2. Happy belated, sweet girl! And also to you, Momma. I think about you often.

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