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Stress and Dreams

March 27, 2009

Anxiety and stress wreak havoc on my sleep schedule. The last year in my undergraduate education I only slept and average of 3 hours a night. I learned you really can sustain yourself for an extended period of time with no sleep. These poor sleeping habits led me to develop crappy adult sleeping patterns. I spent 6.5 years in graduate school, waking up to write down thoughts and experiments, tending to experiments into the wee morning hours, writing papers, etc… I was an insomniac. I started waking about 2 am to work. As a professor, I tried to improve my sleep because my body was breaking down and I needed all my energy during the day for my kids.  But, I still woke up at 2 am and sometimes didn’t go back to sleep until 5 am.

Then Norah died and I did not sleep. The only way I slept for the entire year after was with Ambien. I know people dis sleeping pills but seriously, I could deal with life because I could escape into sleep. Then, my little one was born. I finally slept. When my little one sleeps, I sleep. But, preparing for this upcoming trip to India has stressed me again. I wake. I woke up at 2 am last night. I actually woke my little one up to feed her, since I was up already. I woke the night before also.  I   can    not   go   back   to    sleep. I start listing things I have to do. I turn on the T.V. to drown out the thoughts of all I have to do. 

Finally, 3 hours later, I fell into a fitful sleep. I had a dream that someone babynapped my little one.  I had turned my back on my little one, who was laying on an elevated flat surface to talk to DD1 and when I turned back, she was gone. We were in a park and all the entrances were sealed by the police. I woke up during this frantic search to find her.  With Ambien, I blessedly did not recall any dreams (for I’m sure I always dreamed about Norah’s death). But with a little one waking me during REM sleep I have been remember many of my dreams.  I dream of my Mom who passed almost a year ago. I dream scary dreams and sad dreams. Is dreaming just working out your fears from our present life? Or does it have to do with other worldly mental connections? Past lives?

I don’t know. All I know is that I dream.

What do you dream about?

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3 comments

  1. I’m sorry to hear about all the stress and the scary dreams…((hugs))
    I seldom dream, I live the nightmares out wide-opened during the day. sigh*


  2. Janis (((HUGS)))


  3. (((hugs))) I hope you once again can find restful sleep.



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